FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: ClickHole.com is sad to announce that as of 9:30 a.m. CST this morning, the Hewlett-Packard desktop computer where we create all of our red-hot viral content has become infested with crickets. We will be unable to update the website until the problem is resolved.
Here is how it happened: For the past six months, we have been spraying our Hewlett-Packard desktop computer with Axe Body Spray. We loved that it made our computer smell athletic and sexual. It motivated us to come into work, and we loved to breathe deep of the Axe fumes while we churned out content all day long. Unfortunately, the aroma of the Axe Body Spray also attracted enormous amounts of crickets, and now they are living in our computer.
We called an exterminator and he estimated that there were “hundreds or thousands” of crickets inside our computer. Then he went home without helping us.
Sadly, this is the only computer our website has. All of our employees share it and take turns clicking the mouse. Due to the cricket infestation on our only computer, we have no choice but to SUSPEND OPERATIONS OF CLICKHOLE.COM UNTIL THE PROBLEM IS RESOLVED AND THE CRICKETS ARE EITHER DEAD OR INFESTING A DIFFERENT WEBSITE’S COMPUTER.
We promise to keep you updated as we attempt to rid our computer of crickets. We’ll be using a computer at the library to post on our social accounts and keep you informed about what’s going on with the crickets, so be sure to check our social media feeds RELIGIOUSLY in order to stay up to date on our pest control situation.
The library computer does not have AOL, which is the type of internet we use to create ClickHole posts, so even though we can use the library computer to update our social media, we can’t make the site work until we get rid of the crickets on our desktop.
As a final note to our readers: DO NOT BUY COMPUTERS FROM HEWLETT-PACKARD IF YOU DO NOT WANT CRICKETS TO INFEST YOUR DESKTOP. The exterminator said this was the “most crickets he’d ever seen in one place,” and he said that if the computer had been made by a better company, there would probably be only a few dozen crickets instead of the several hundred crickets we are currently dealing with.
Thank you for continuing to be fanatically devoted to ClickHole.com. We promise to do everything we can to murder these insects and get back to posting the viral content you adore as soon as possible. Until then, keep reaching for the stars, and remember: With God on your side, anything is possible.