Making it from 9 to 5 is a grind, but these tips will give you the afternoon boost you need to finish up your workday strong.
1. Take the stairs
When your energy starts flagging, try jogging up and down the stairs a few times. It’ll restore your vigor and get the blood flowing back to your brain.
2. Have a glass of ice water
Avoid the dreaded caffeine crash by opting instead for a frosty glass of ice water. Gulp it down quick and it’ll be sure to perk you up.
3. Kill a man
You’ll never feel more alive than when you take the life of another man. Doesn’t matter who.
4. Tag out
If you’re running low on steam, don’t hesitate to swap out with the tag-team partner eagerly reaching his arm out toward your desk. Slap his hand, roll out of your chair, and let him take care of business until you’ve recovered enough to tag back in.
5. Take a pipe organ break
Even just a few minutes of absorbing brutal, ear-splitting tones from a 5,000-pipe, mechanical-action concert hall organ will leave you quaking head to toe with energy.
6. Put in new eyes
Your eyes are tired from staring at a screen all day. Use some different ones!
7. Swallow some little snakes
It’s almost impossible to doze off when there are distressed reptiles writhing through your digestive system.
8. Prove Melissa wrong
When she left you, she complained that you were unmotivated and directionless. Now, you’ve committed every fiber of your being to proving her wrong, to making sure that she will one day recognize what she did as the greatest mistake of her life, haunting her until the day she dies. Stay focused. Destroy her with your tenacity.
9. Put your hand into a paper shredder
Just a little bit—deep enough to give you the jolt you need to cruise through the rest of the afternoon.
10. Stand at the edge of a precipice and howl into the great unknown
It’s cheaper than a Red Bull!