Let’s get a few things straightener.

1. “Are your bones curly, too?”

2. “You’re lucky that you can use your hair as a broom. I had to buy a broom.”

3. “You’ll never be Bette Midler.”

4. “You ever think of getting it double curled?”

5. “I don’t have the attention span for keeping my hair clenched tight all day.”

6. “You know you can just chop it all off, right?”

7. “Can I touch it with my pepperoni-stained fingers?”

8. “You ever dry meats in there?”

9. “Do they stuff the pillows they put in caskets with your hair?”

10. “Do you know a guy named Steve Tentley? He’s got curly hair just like you, and he died long before you were born.”