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14 Romantic Date Ideas For Valentine’s Day That Won’t Break The Bank

Close your checkbooks and open your hearts!

1. Dip your bodies in hot, scented wax to become a pair of exquisite spa candles: Spa days skew pricey, but with some fresh herbs and a couple wicks, you and your date can turn your living room into a palace of sensuality for cheap.

2. Go for a long, romantic walk and stumble across a rich vein of ore: The only thing better than taking a stroll with the one you love is happening upon a bountiful seam of rare minerals, ripe for mining and refining.

3. Craft a cozy nest for your future eggs: With nothing more than twigs, twine, fabric scraps, and binding spit, you and your valentine can while away hours creating a perfect cradle for the clutch of steaming, throbbing eggs you’ll lay on Valentine’s Morning.

4. Have a push-up contest; the loser owes the winner 10,000 kisses: Healthy competition gets the passion pumping, and an ironclad debt of 10,000 kisses ensures a lifetime of commitment.

5. Spend the day together in bed, screaming: John and Yoko would be proud. You’ll barely drop a dime on a day in bed; all you need is love, delivery, and your hoarse, mingled howls for hours on end.

6. Rub each other down with bargain lotions: Cheap lotions rarely bring on rashes, and they feature classic fragrances like “vaseline” and “unscented.” Just a couple tubes will provide hours of lubricated rubdowns.

7. Sing karaoke, replacing the lyrics with each other’s names and long-term aspirations: For the price of a couple drinks each, you’ll be creating one-of-a-kind personalized odes set to your all-time favorite jams.

8. Sit in a carriage: Horse-drawn carriage rides are romantic but expensive. For a $10 bribe, though, many drivers will let you sit in an unhorsed carriage for the better part of an hour, where you’ll thrill at being higher off the ground than normal.

9. Spill out your change jar and make love on a carpet of coins: With a little bit of attention, you’ll hardly lose a single coin in the fracas.

10. Give each other checks with “I Love You” as the memo: If you successfully bluff your valentine, you’ll actually make money on this date.

11. Take your date on a DIY “hot-air balloon ride”: While it lacks the panoramic scenery, a ride up a particularly tall elevator offers many of the same high-altitude thrills as a hot-air balloon for a fraction of the cost.

12. Hijack the bodies of a beautiful rich couple: If your psyches are powerful enough, you and your date should have no trouble overwhelming the minds of a gorgeous young rich couple, seizing their luscious flesh and considerable resources for a night of opulent debauchery.

13. Salute the American flag: Giving Old Glory her due will ignite your hearts with righteous passion without costing a buck.

14. Throw pennies into a wishing well: Wish for ideas for romantic dates that won’t break the bank.