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5 Of Your Friends Who Are Wearing Reasonable Dresses To Homecoming, So I’m Not Sure Why You Can’t Wear Something A Little More Sensible

“I talked to some of their parents, and it sounds like your friends are all going to wear homecoming dresses that are a nice, reasonable length. I’m sure they’re all going to look lovely. Here are five of the girls who have pretty, classy-looking outfits planned out—why can’t you find something a little more appropriate to wear, like them?”

1. Alexandria

I already called Alexandria’s mom, and she said they found something really nice at Talbots. Alexandria’s always wearing stylish clothes—don’t you want to wear something like what she picked out? Her dress has more fabric than the one you tried on from Bebe, and the price is more reasonable, too. I know you liked that Bebe one, but I think it was a little low-cut. Maybe it would have looked okay with a camisole underneath it. You’re going to wear some pantyhose under your dress, right?

2. Natalie

Natalie had such a pretty dress that she wore to your Sweet 16, don’t you remember? That navy one that went to her knee with the tie in the back. That looked nice. Not like that Nicole girl whose dress basically looked painted on. I mean, she wasn’t leaving too much to the imagination. And by the way, those pumps you tried to pick out aren’t going to be comfortable. What about some nice kitten heels, like the ones Natalie wore? Natalie’s cool. If they’re good enough for Natalie, I don’t understand why you have such a problem with them.

3. Olivia

Olivia’s mom sent me a picture of her dress, and it has some nice cap sleeves that I think would really suit you. I like the way Olivia does her makeup, too. Nothing too dramatic. Why don’t you try that instead of all that eyeliner you sometimes wear? And speaking of Olivia, her dad said that he was going to drive some of the girls to the bowling alley after the dance is done, and then from there everyone can watch a movie in their den. Wouldn’t that be fun? Her mom said she was going to get snacks and everything, and some nail polish and spa stuff for you girls to use.

4. Mrs. Welty

The faculty chaperones are dressing up too, and I think Mrs. Welty’s dress is perfect. She showed it to me in the parking lot after the PTA meeting. You know, knee-length dresses are actually more flattering than shorter dresses are. They look good on everyone’s figure. Why don’t you think about wearing something that covers a little more skin?

5. Kerry

Kerry’s dress has long sleeves. She’s going to have a great time. And it’s not the kind of dress where the sleeves go down further than the hem, like what your brother’s homecoming date wore a few years ago. Boys can tell, you know, when girls are just looking for attention. That’s the way it is. Why don’t you try on one of my dresses? We can get that maroon one taken in if you want. I wore that to your cousin’s baptism and got a lot of compliments on it. Just think about it.