Frankenstein is a gigantic corpse monster stitched together by an insane scientist, so sometimes his behavior can be a little jarring. When you’re on the train with him it can be hard to tell when he’s acting normally and when he’s actually up to no good. Here are five ways to tell if you need to report Frankenstein for suspicious behavior on the train or if what you’re witnessing is just Frankenstein being Frankenstein!
1. If Frankenstein is going into unauthorized areas of the train, check to see if it’s simply because he is chasing a rat that he wants to eat: When Frankenstein sees a rat that he thinks looks delicious, he will stop at nothing until he catches it and puts it in his mouth. If the delicious-looking rat runs into an unauthorized area of the train, Frankenstein is going to chase it there, even if it means he’s going to get in trouble. If you see Frankenstein in a restricted part of the train, see if he’s on his hands and knees looking frantically for a rat, or if he’s actually trying to do something dangerous.
2. If Frankenstein is throwing somebody onto the third rail, check to see if it’s just his wife who he’s trying to electrocute back to life: Frankenstein’s wife is named Bride of Frankenstein, and she needs electricity to live. When Bride of Frankenstein runs out of electricity, she dies and she needs her husband, Frankenstein, to carry her onto the train and then throw her onto the third rail so she can come back to life. So if Frankenstein is on the train throwing a body onto the deadly third rail, make sure it’s not just his shambling corpse wife before you go ahead and call the police to report him for suspicious behavior. Otherwise, you’re just wasting their time by alerting them about Frankenstein being Frankenstein.
3. If Frankenstein lifts the train conductor over his head and starts screaming, check to see if he’s trying to kill him or simply trying to show his new boyfriend to the rest of the train: Frankenstein falls in love very easily and he always thinks anyone who doesn’t try to kill him must be his boyfriend. There’s a good chance that if Frankenstein has grabbed the train conductor and is holding him over his head, it’s because he has decided that he is in love with the conductor and he wants to show his new boyfriend to the other passengers on the train. If Frankenstein lifts the conductor over his head and starts shouting, “FRANKENSTEIN LIFT UP BOYFRIEND TO SHOW TO WORLD!” then there’s no need to panic, because that’s just Frankenstein being Frankenstein. On the other hand, if Frankenstein is holding the conductor over his head and screaming something suspicious like, “FRANKENSTEIN MUST KILL KING OF THE TRAIN! NOW FRANKENSTEIN IS KING OF THE TRAIN!” that’s a good reason to alert the authorities.
4. Before reporting Frankenstein when he gets on the train with a mysterious box, make sure it’s a bomb of some kind and not just the box of yarn that he treats like a pet: Don’t call the bomb squad just because Frankenstein gets on the train with a mysterious cardboard box! Frankenstein is a hulking corpse monster with a heart of gold and he loves to pet soft things. His insane creator, Victor Frankenstein, gave him a mouse to pet, but Frankenstein ate it, so now the only soft object he can be trusted with is yarn. Frankenstein has a big box of yarn that he pulls around on a leash and which he calls his “MOUSE BOX,” and sometimes when he’s on the train he will take the yarn out and start petting it and eating it. Frankenstein’s big, unmarked box might look suspicious and even a little dangerous, but it’s important to remember that it’s almost certainly filled with yarn and is probably not a bomb.
5. Don’t call the police to report Frankenstein walking around the train holding a brain until you’ve confirmed that it’s not his own brain: Frankenstein loves his brain and sometimes on the train he will rip it out of his monstrous skull and walk from train car to train car showing it to people and moaning things like, “WAVE HELLO TO FRANKENSTEIN’S BRAIN.” However, sometimes Frankenstein will rip out someone else’s brain to put it in his own skull so that he can have two brains. This is terrible behavior, and if Frankenstein is carrying someone else’s brain it’s absolutely time to get the police involved. If Frankenstein’s just carrying his own brain, though, then that’s just Frankenstein being Frankenstein. Best just to wave hello to Frankenstein’s brain when he tells you to and carry on with your day like normal.
