If it wasn’t one of these, then maybe it’s one of these:
1950s microphone
Prop for teaching geometry
Tool for steadying the elderly
Hands-free toothbrush
Announcement of a new pope
Example of sports equipment
Medieval divining pendulum that indicates location of witch
Budget zen garden
Means by which sentient action figure descends through sunroof
Government wiretap
Accurate model of first-trimester fetus
Thing a shut-in says, “Mornin’, Rodney!” to
Karate training implement
Scrapped early draft of ball-in-cup game
Way to announce yourself to other swingers in the area
Frog chrysalis
Gift from a hunchback
Poor attempt to keep up with the Joneses
Pulley for Nickelodeon slime shower
Signal to purchase more tennis balls
Detached cow eyeball
Baffling glory hole
Proof of god
Proof there is no god
Unrealistically skinny mannequin
All that remains of a once-great tennis ball necklace
Heavy-flow tampon
Apparatus to frighten horses into obedience
Whatchamacallit
Thingamajig
Doohickey
All a father could scrape together for his kid’s birthday
Tells farmers when rain is coming
Scoreboard for someone named Wilson
Fixed point to stare at during torture
Dehydrated melon
Five-in-one fitness device
Thing albino crocodiles congregate around at midnight
Dummy apple to help newly released prisoners reacclimate to the real deal
Distraction from crumbling marriage
The last thing you’ll see as the flood takes you away
Kissing practice
Shaving practice
Simulates a mother’s touch for orphaned infants
Warning to other sports equipment
Sounding board for nervous man’s pickup lines
Stash spot
The Canadian version of tetherball, TortherSport
Shitty vigil
Hummingbird lure
Thing to whack with a tennis racket
