We just hoped to have a relaxing, drama-free ride in this hot air balloon (which wasn’t cheap, by the way), but it looks like something is up. Here are six babies who weren’t in this hot air balloon when we first took off.
1. The girl one
We swear there wasn’t a single baby in this thing when we first took off, but somehow, while we were floating hundreds of feet in the air, this little baby girl showed up. The guy who runs the hot air balloon is blaming us, and we’re blaming him, but we all deny being the source of this baby. Apparently it’s illegal to have babies in a hot air balloon so now we’ve gotta cut the ride short and go back, but then we’re gonna have to figure out what the hell to do about this child. She doesn’t have any ID on her or anything. So much for a magical day drifting around in the clouds.
2. The one we call “Clampy”
Soon after we noticed the girl baby, we heard a sort of “goo goo, ga ga”-type sound coming from behind us, so we turned around and, sure enough, there was another one. We immediately decided to start calling it “Clampy” (not sure of the sex—don’t care) simply to differentiate it from the first baby, not realizing at the time that we would be encountering a bunch more babies so it would have made more sense to start numbering them. Oh, and right around this time the hot air balloon operator revealed that he forgot to top off the fuel tank so he “wasn’t sure we could land safely.” We almost called the cops, but decided we didn’t want a bunch of questions about where all the babies came from, etc.
3. The sick one. 
Welp, here’s another one. It’s always a bummer when a baby is sick, even when you don’t know who the baby is or where it came from or how it got onto your hot air balloon. It’s not like there’s anywhere for a baby to hide in a hot air balloon (it’s basically just a basket, and it’s pretty cramped) so we aren’t sure where this one came from either, but honestly we’re hoping it goes away before it gets the other babies sick.
4. The scared one. 
Hot air balloon rides can be scary, especially when babies keep showing up out of nowhere. Guess it’s no surprise that this baby is completely losing his mind screaming for his mommy, who clearly wasn’t keeping a very good eye on him if he ended up thousands of feet off the ground in a stranger’s hot air balloon. The balloon operator keeps yelling at us in broken English that we’re going to have to pay extra and we keep telling him we don’t even have enough to pay for our own ride, much less all of these babies. Tough day all around.
5. The one that can already talk. 
We definitely would have remembered if a four-month-old infant who could already say words like “truck” and “applesauce” was on this hot air balloon before we launched, and we’re 100% sure that he wasn’t. The most confounding part is, we don’t think all of these babies got into the hot air balloon mid-flight together, because their arrivals have been pretty spaced out. At this point, we kind of just want to get home.
6. The fast one. 
We’ve been trying to round up all of the babies to make sure they don’t fall out or get burned by the burner system, but this one that just showed up is really fast. Catching him has been like trying to catch a squirrel, and his little knees and hands are getting all scratched up as he scampers around the basket. We even tried throwing one of the sand bags at him, but that didn’t slow him down. This is turning into a real disaster, and we’re still nowhere near our landing point. Kind of wish we would have gone bungee jumping instead. There are just too many babies in this hot air balloon for us to really enjoy the ride anymore.
