The weather may be warmer, but you sure aren’t happier.

1. Watching all your doctors fight over the right to stab you with an EpiPen.

2. Sitting at the “no pollen” table at school with the other kids who couldn’t eat pollen.

3. Being forced to leave your significant other because their home is also the palace of Ailuro, The Cat Whose Head Is A Flower.

4. The difficulties of trying to find a hypoallergenic apartment that is close to work but also in a desert.

5. At least twice a day, you sneeze so hard that the force of your sneeze propels your office rolling chair at a high speed down a long linoleum hallway and smashes you into a wall, catapulting your body through an open window and sending you flying through the air until you land in a trough of pig slop on the back of a farmer’s jouncing wagon, where the pigs lick you like you’re one of their own.

6. The heartbreak of your father disowning you when you tell him that horses make you sneeze.