Planning the wedding of your dreams doesn’t have to break the bank! Here are six surefire do-it-yourself wedding ideas that can save you money if your time is worth absolutely nothing to you.
1. Handmade wedding invitations: A stationery store will charge hundreds of dollars for a set of professionally made wedding invitations, but creating the invites at home can lead to real savings if the enormous amount of time it would take you to do that sort of thing holds no value to you whatsoever. There’s something both elegant and rustic about an invitation that has been cut, lettered, stamped, ribboned, and glued by hand, so if your days on Earth are actually that meaningless to you, go ahead and make those invites for all 235 guests.
2. Mason jar centerpieces: A beautiful centerpiece doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg—in fact, the perfect table decorations can be made right at home with just mason jars, tea lights, chalkboard paint, and three full weekends of your time! Making your own centerpieces will show your guests that you’ve added a personal touch to your wedding and that your life has no real meaning or purpose.
3. Bake your own cake: Choosing the perfect wedding cake is one of the more costly and stressful decisions a soon-to-be-wed couple can make, so why not make things a little bit less expensive and way more fucking stressful by baking it yourself? It’s no easy feat, but if you’ve really got no better use of your time than sitting through hours of YouTube tutorials on the subject, go for it.
4. DIY photo booth: If you’re prepared to throw those precious moments away for the chance to save a dime, consider creating your own photo booth for the wedding! Sure, every minute spent cutting out cardboard mustaches and eyeglasses could be spent traveling the world or learning a new skill, but to you, time is pointless trash.
5. Do your own flower arrangements: This is a no-brainer for anyone whose own mortality inspires no urgency or purpose: Do your own flowers for the wedding. A professional florist really isn’t a necessary expense when your time is so insignificant to you that you’re actually able to spend it making a dozen boutonnieres by hand.
6. Prepare the food yourself: Ditching the caterer to prepare the food yourself is the ultimate way to save money when your finite time on this planet means nothing to you. As long as you’d otherwise just be spending your days staring at a wall and waiting for death to consume you, preparing 70 gallons of beef stew is no big deal. Time marches inexorably forward and death looms closer with every breath we take, but when the only thing of any discernible value to you is the number of dollars in your bank account, this simple step makes sticking to your wedding budget easy!