1. Brad

Normally we can count on the Brad-man to rouse party guests with one of his many great anecdotes about working on a cruise liner, but much to our chagrin, he spent most of the BBQ on the phone with his sick kid.

2. Janice

We only invited Janice because she makes the world’s best potato salad, but you can tell she barely put any effort into making it this time around. I know she’s in the process of getting a divorce, but come on.

3. Angela

Damn it. Angela used to be our ace of spades, but she has been in a funk since she put her dog down last month.

4. Vivek

On top of utterly failing to give my backyard cookout a little of the “anything goes” attitude he’s famous for, Vivek also left after 30 minutes. Thanks for nothing, Vivek.