Press "Enter" to skip to content

7 Signs You Were A Theater Kid

Were you one of those young people who lived for the glitz and glamour of life onstage? No matter what your career is now, these seven signs will prove that you were almost certainly a theater kid.

1. You know what “blocking” means and recite the definition before bed each night: Classic theater kid: You can’t fall asleep every night without first saying, “‘Blocking’ refers to the order of the actors’ onstage movements.”

2. You are the one who haunts the rafters of your high school auditorium: So, you’re the one who’s been causing mysterious lighting accidents and whose baritone cackle echoes at intermission all these years? Yeah, you were a theater kid.

3. You know where your mark is: Wherever you go, whatever you do, you can’t ignore the part of you that’s always pointing toward the small gaffer’s-tape X you were supposed to stand on years and years ago. Its call is getting stronger.

4. You eat light: The radiant, warm glow of the blindingly bright spotlight nourishes you as you eat it with your mouth. Without it, your skin becomes pale and transparent, and your hair and teeth fall out. Just comes with the theater kid territory!

5. You don’t go anywhere without your sandbags: Doesn’t matter if you’re going to the bank, the prom, or traveling cross-country to see relatives—you wouldn’t even think about leaving home without at least eight sandbags.

6. You are still trapped in a massage circle: The infinite embrace of the massage circle has loosened your muscles for as long as you can remember. There is no beginning and no end. There is only the circle.

7. You still won’t piss on Shakespeare’s grave: No matter how many times your non-theater friends continue to do this, you never will. You’re not fooling anyone…you were definitely a theater kid.