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7 Times The Person Who Writes The Netflix Episode Descriptions Ended The Episode Description With A Little Update About Their Life

The Netflix interface.

Whoever’s writing these episode descriptions has no qualms using Netflix as her personal journal.

1. That time the person’s sister had a baby

ommy is outmaneuvered by the Russians. My sister Carina’s in a much happier situation than Tommy—she just had a baby! So happy for her. I’m going to be a kickass godmother. We’ll see how good of a mom she’ll be though… LOL. All smiles today :)

2. That time the person got scratched by her roommate’s cat

Every night when the clock strikes 12, screenwriter Gil Pender travels back in time to mingle with his favorite authors of the Roaring ’20s in Paris. Must be nice traveling to Paris instead of looking after your roommate’s cat while she’s on vacation. It scratched me yesterday. Huge red claw marks on my neck. Hate this cat so goddamn much.

3. That time the person was betrayed by her sister

Journey to the polar extremes of our planet, where for most of the year, the Arctic and Antarctic are locked in ice, like my sister Carina’s heart. My mom told me Carina asked her friend Paige to be my niece’s godmother instead… Um, what? She’s known Paige for two years, through WORK. Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve been there her whole life. Honestly, I never even liked Pudge that much—oh yeah, by the way, Pudge is what I’ll be calling Paige from now on. Guess I inherited the same cold heart my sister did…

4. That time the person realized she hadn’t been betrayed by her sister

Earl makes amends for fixing a high school football game to win a bet. As for me, I’m making amends for jumping the gun on the godmother thing. My sister never asked Paige. She asked me to be the godmother. Total miscommunication (thanks, Mom). I feel terrible. Paige is so nice. Drowning out the stress with chocolate today. Cadbury is always the cure.

5. That time the person got her roommate’s cat sick

A shy boy must kill a dragon to earn the respect of his Viking father. Left a chocolate bar on the counter, turned my back for one minute, and the cat ate the whole thing. It vomited and then stopped moving. Didn’t know chocolate could do this to a cat. I’m scared.

6. That time the person’s roommate’s cat died

Michael falls into a koi pond. The cat died. Roommate gets back in two days. I have to fly to New York for my niece’s christening tomorrow. I don’t know what to do.

7. That time the person missed her niece’s christening

In Vietnam-era New York City, speaking of I missed the christening so I could tell my roommate about the cat in person and then she called me a murderer in a Facebook post memorializing her cat and now everyone thinks I killed it on purpose and I have yet to stop crying and I think she’s going to sue me, a group of youths embark on a journey of self-discovery set to all The Beatles classics you know and love. Anyway, that’s what’s up with me.