These couples’ gorgeous weddings will melt your heart. Not ours, though. We actually know these people, and they are the fucking worst.

1. Maybe if we hadn’t once spent a hellish six-hour car ride listening to Joss and Diane argue about vegetarianism, we would be more impressed by their stunning ceremony.

2. When it comes to tying the knot, some people really knock it out of the park. Unfortunately, sometimes those people are our neighbors, Katherine and Bill, two individuals seemingly brought together by their shared affinity for being rude to waiters.

3. Alison and Jennifer’s wedding would be both touching and inspirational if Alison hadn’t once vomited on our couch during a Fourth of July barbecue and never really apologized for it.

4. Pradeep is probably the most insufferable asshole we’ve ever met. It’s too bad, because Lia’s actually pretty great.

5. Try going to a movie with these people, then see if you’re still in awe of their idyllic forest wedding.

6. This might be the most beautiful church wedding ever, but that doesn’t change the fact that we know Mark and Alicia go to Burning Man every year and it’s all they ever talk about.

7. Doesn’t this seaside ceremony seem perfect? We’d think so too, if we didn’t know from personal experience that Arnold and Melissa have some genuinely insane opinions about who should be allowed to vote.

8. Pricks.