Our Lord and Savior didn’t deserve what happened to him. These shitty cats do.

1. Get a load of this trash. How is it that Jesus, who fed multitudes of the hungry, ended up getting the screwjob from Judas, and then this fucking stain, who’s never done jack shit for nobody, gets to live out his days on soft carpet like a king? Should’ve been the other way around.

2. And then there’s this brooding little fuck. Staring at the wall all day like some lobotomied drifter from a 1950s government experiment. If there were justice in this cruel and fucked world, Judas Iscariot would’ve planted a wet one on this junk-ass beast instead of the living Son of God.

3. Goddammit. Where the hell’s your eye, asshole? Should’ve been you getting beaten and flogged at the hands of the Romans. No one would weep for this trainwreck of a mammal.

4. What in the merciful living fuck is all this shit? Get us a goddamn time machine so we can huck this convulsing travesty in front of Judas’ reptile-ass lips right when he’s going in for the smooch.

5. Hey! Get off of there! Pianos aren’t for you, animal. We need Pontius Pilate here to teach you some fucking respect.

6. Is this some kind of joke? Was one of this monster’s parents a fucking toolbox or something? O Father in Heaven, why couldn’t this piece of work been the sacrificial lamb for all humanity instead of Your son?

7. This cat is bullshit, O God, just as the coward Judas was bullshit. When the hour of betrayal was nigh, would not it have made more sense for bullshit to forsake bullshit? This cat sucks so much ass, O Righteous One.

8. Jesus is dead. This thing is alive. Goddammit.