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9 Essential Chinese Phrases You Need To Know If You Are In Beijing Shopping For A Jade Statue Of Your Parents Having Sex

Buying a jade statue of your parents having sex with each other from an authentic jade dealer in Beijing can be a complicated process. Here are nine essential Chinese phrases you’ll need to know in order to make your search for the perfect jade statue of your parents having sex as successful as possible!


“Good morning, new best friend. Surrender your jade to me. Every statue depicting my mother and father having underwhelming sex in total silence must be placed in this plastic bag or else I will create an American tantrum in your neighborhood. I am willing to pay you every penny I have.”


“This statue of my parents having sex is too small. Do you have one that weighs 6,000 pounds?”


“All of this jade shopping has tired me out. I am going to go to sleep on your floor. Please wake me up if I catch a fatal disease.”


“This jade statue of my parents having a loving fuck is horrendous. Can I pay for it using a traveler’s check?”


“Do you have a statue such as this one, but in which my father is frowning instead of shrieking with ecstasy?”


“Yes! Yes! This statue of my parents having sex in the most boring position is bigger than my real parents! Please help me carry it to my helicopter!”


“I know jade is expensive, but I am willing to pay any price in order to afford a solid jade statue of my mother and father slogging through a mediocre lovemaking session to kill three minutes during a commercial break while they wait for the The Price Is Right to come back on.”


“The jade version of my father winked at me, and I had to run the statue over with my car. Do you have a jade statue of my parents having sex where my father will wink at me less often?”


“The bass guitar my mother is playing while she has sex with my father in this jade statue looks perfect. Thank you for your wonderful craftsmanship. I will place this wonderful statue on my lap when I go to the barbershop so that I have something to look at while my barber cuts my hair.”