Purposefully urinating your pants in a barbershop comes with risk. Before scheduling a haircut with a full bladder, we encourage you to understand the ramifications this will likely have on not just your haircut, but also your reputation in the barbershop. Here are six likely consequences of intentionally wetting your barber chair.
1. Your barber likely won’t finish your haircut
If you actually need a haircut for an important event, such as a wedding or a job interview, save urinating in the barber chair for another time, because your haircut will almost certainly end the moment your barber sees a damp spot forming on your barber’s cape as you look them in the eye and announce, “I’m doing this on purpose.” Only deliberately wet yourself if you’re comfortable going home with a partially-finished haircut.
2. You will probably be asked to leave the barbershop
At the average barbershop, hanging out and making small talk with employees and other patrons will not be an option after you wet yourself mid-haircut and then explicitly clarify that it was no accident, but rather “by design.” Don’t be surprised when the highest-ranking employee in the barbershop demands that you leave immediately.
3. Your barber will probably demand an explanation as to why you intentionally urinated yourself in their place of business
Nine times out of 10, a barber will not hesitate to ask why you chose to wet your pants during a haircut instead of using the restroom. This is a subject they will not drop easily, either. Whatever your reason is for purposefully urinating yourself in a barbershop (convenience, revenge, curiosity, pleasure, humor, power play, etc.), it’s up to you whether to offer the barber an explanation or not. Be aware that some explanations are more likely to escalate the situation than others.
4. You will have low odds of being allowed back in that particular barbershop
Anticipate a lifetime ban. By all means, attempt to schedule another haircut appointment on your way out of the barbershop you just carried out a premeditated pants-wetting in if you want. Just don’t act surprised when you’re informed that it’s the last time you’ll ever be allowed in that haircutting establishment.
5. It’s possible your barber has a violent reaction—or, depending on the barber’s temperament, outright murders you
Getting assaulted and/or lethally attacked by a barber over a calculated self-urination isn’t a highly probable outcome, but it is possible, especially if you point to your wettened crotch and say, “I’m not getting up from the barber chair until I’ve finished urinating, which I’m choosing to do completely of my own volition.” Catch the wrong barber at the wrong time and things could get ugly.
6. You may develop a reputation in both the barber community and your greater local community
Expect word to spread. Knowingly wetting yourself mid-haircut will cause people to talk about you and develop impressions about your character and judgment. Typically, this will result in a lowering (or in rare cases, raising) of your social standing in the community. If you can’t handle others having polarizing opinions about you, don’t pee your pants in the barbershop.
