Ladies, this might come as a shock, but guys can get up to some pretty weird stuff when you’re not around. Here are just a few of the bizarre things all guys do whenever the coast is clear!

Vacuum their cereal.

Write “It’s a guy thing” on every visible surface and then cross out the word “guy.”

Roughhouse with their bosses.

Watch Sex And The City and secretly love it but also fear it like one fears a great and powerful God.

Fax the word “famous” to Peter Bogdanovich.

Let out alllllllll the ear gas.

Watch the stone. Protect the stone. Never let the stone out of sight.

Apologize to Peter Bogdanovich for the fax with another fax that just says “Sorry for you know what.”

Think of what is a woman.

Draw a picture of what is a woman to remember what exactly it is.

Remember.

Build a woman out of sticks and string and cradle it ever so gently, remembering.

Weird Things All Guys Do When Women Aren’t Around

Vacuum their cereal.

Write “It’s a guy thing” on every visible surface and then cross out the word “guy.”

Roughhouse with their bosses.

Watch Sex And The City and secretly love it but also fear it like one fears a great and powerful God.

Fax the word “famous” to Peter Bogdanovich.

Let out alllllllll the ear gas.

Watch the stone. Protect the stone. Never let the stone out of sight.

Apologize to Peter Bogdanovich for the fax with another fax that just says “Sorry for you know what.”

Think of what is a woman.

Draw a picture of what is a woman to remember what exactly it is.

Remember.

Build a woman out of sticks and string and cradle it ever so gently, remembering.

Tea party!