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When I made a New Year’s resolution in January to start eating a cleaner, healthier diet, I never dreamed that that one little goal would have such a profound effect on my life. But after nearly a year of vegan baking, paleo meal prepping, and all sorts of experimental cooking, I can proudly say that eating healthy has completely changed the way I use fuckloads of almonds.
I never imagined such a transformation would be possible for me, but here it is, happening.
While it definitely wasn’t easy, revamping my diet and redesigning my lifestyle to account for healthier, more wholesome meals has totally changed the way that my goddamned millions of fucking almonds fit into my day to day. Before, when I was a far unhealthier person, I would have used my assloads of almonds for god knows what, but now my almonds are more than simply something I have a fucking ungodly amount of; they are a perfect companion to my three balanced meals per day.
I still spend 40 percent of my weekly salary on ass piles of almonds, but now, I’m prouder than ever of my reasons for doing so.
Looking back, if you came to my house just a few weeks ago, you’d open my pantry and see huge-ass bags of almonds as far as the eye could see, but now if you come to my house, you’ll see that my fuck tons of salted almonds, unsalted almonds, flavored almonds, and roasted almonds are also accompanied with some salad supplies. Changing my eating habits has made me take a good hard look at the fucked-up amount of nuts I have in my house, and you know what? I’ve never felt better.
If I’m being honest, looking at myself now, I’m healthier than I’ve ever been before. These days, more and more almonds are moving from my “Fucking Millions Of Almonds” container to my “For Snacking” container. More and more almonds are being turned into butter and spread on sandwiches instead of turning into fuck tons of expired almonds. And now when people look at me, they think, “Oh, she looks amazing,” instead of thinking, “Oh, she’s an almond maniac.”
I still spend 40 percent of my weekly salary on ass piles of almonds, but now, I’m prouder than ever of my reasons for doing so.
Am I worried about reverting to my old ways? Of course. But I’m exceedingly happy with the almond-based changes in my life I’ve made so far, and all I can do is look toward the future. And with any luck, that will involve me putting shit tons of almonds into my body—and nowhere else.
