We all have embarrassing parents, but when it comes to Snapchat, mine are the literal worst and also lost somewhere in the 2,000 square miles of Grand Canyon National Park.

1. When You See It

Yup, I’m officially scarred for life. Thanks, Mom and Dad! No daughter should have to see this. Or be asked to identify their father’s bloody kerchief that rangers found in a canyon cave.

2. National Geographic, Eat Your Heart Out

Looks amazing, guys. I don’t think I’ll need a wedding photographer next fall with you two in attendance, provided the sprawling, mutli-agency task force that is currently fanning out across the Grand Canyon can find you. I pray to god my father will be there to walk me down the aisle.

3. Mom Misnomer Expert Mode

Uh yeah, pretty sure she meant to say “Apache.” You’ll have to excuse her; she suffers from a chronic disease called “Mom” and from type 2 diabetes, which she can only treat for a max of seven days before her Bydureon runs out and she slips into a coma in the middle a limestone quarry trying to find refuge from the sweltering sun. Finding my technology-challenged parents is a race against the clock.

4. Text Heavy

*Insert eye roll here* A picture is worth a thousand words, parents, so don’t cover up the beautiful vista that I also worry may be your final resting place with your message. Next time, just put it in a text. Oh god, I hope there is a next time.

5. Cue The Slow Clap

If you’re under the age of 100 and also not delirious from thirst, you know that you have to turn the flash on if you are going to take a picture at night! This was sent four days ago, and their trail has gone cold. Even another fail would be better than this silence.