Are You A Boob Man Or An Alligator Guy?
Listen now: Do not be slippery with us. You must answer in an honest way free of bullshit and magic: Are you a Boob Man or an Alligator Guy? If you lie or act like a warlock with us, we will know and report you to the soldiers. Your selections must be completely truthful in a way that makes God smile. So tell us in a plain way: Are you a Boob Man or an Alligator Guy? Take this quiz to find out!
Here is an ethical thought experiment for you, invented by the same philosopher who invented the famous Trolley Problem: If you saw the word “boobs” written on a piece of paper, would you say, “There’s my friend boob,” or blow up a train?
1. I would say, “There’s my friend boob.”
2. I would blow up a train.
3. I would feed the piece of paper to an alligator and then smile at the alligator.
If your grandfather legally changed his name to “Sex Professor: The Alligator” would you marry him or drop an anvil on him?
1. Marry him.
2. Drop an anvil on him.
If you learned that the government was going to make alligators harder to find, would you blow up a train?
1. Yes.
2. Cannot answer. My mind is currently colonized by thoughts of boobs.
Are you being slippery with us?
1. No.
2. Yes (DO NOT SAY THIS).
Are you being a warlock with us?
1. No.
2. Yes (DO NOT SAY THIS).
Do you strongly agree, somewhat agree, neither or agree nor disagree, somewhat disagree, or strongly disagree with the following statement:
“Boob is smile.”
1. Strongly agree.
2. Somewhat agree.
3. Neither agree nor disagree.
4. Somewhat disagree.
5. Strongly disagree.
Listen now: We need absolute honesty from you in your answers to this quiz. If you are slippery with us, or if you are a warlock with us, this whole quiz is meaningless. The entire distinction between boob men and alligator guys completely breaks down and chaos emerges triumphant over all the land. So we will ask you once more: are you being completely honest with us right now?
1. I am being honest. (If you say this wonderful thing to us we will KISS YOU ON THE BRAIN).
2. I am being slippery with you. (If you say something horrible like this we will MELT YOUR COMPUTER WITH OUR HOT BREATH).
3. I am being a warlock with you. (If you say something terrible like this we will FRIGHTEN YOUR FAMILY BY STARING AT THEM WITH OUR EMERALD EYES).
When you see an alligator eating an honest, hardworking man, do you wish that it was instead boobs with teeth eating the honest, hardworking man?
1. Prefer to watch the alligator eat the man.
2. Prefer to watch boobs eat the very kind man.
3. Prefer to watch boobs eat an alligator.
4. Prefer to watch the man stand around crying while boobs float above his head like balloons.
Do you know who this is?
1. That is boob’s older sister, Brassiere. She protects the boob from wind and gamma radiation.
2. This is an alligator’s egg basket. Alligators lay eggs in this thing and then the eggs hatch and the baby alligators eat all the soldiers.
3. That is the boob’s mask. You put it over the boob’s face so that you cannot tell if the boob is smiling or frowning.
4. That is my king. That is my master who tells me who to kill.
Boobs and alligators are both types of vegetables.
1. Yes.
