Can’t believe everythin’ you hear, ‘specially not whacha hear ‘bout the ol’ farm.
1. Soil’s got too many worms
Last I went ‘nto town, I heard sump’n nasty been spreadin’ ‘round. Sump’n ‘bout my soil, ‘Pparently folks been sayin’ my soil’s got too many worms. FALSE. My soil’s got ‘xactly the right numba o’ worms. Come count ‘em. Yaaaaaaaaaah. I’ll watch. ‘Cus I know how many you’re gonna find, and it’s ‘xactly the right numba.
2. The turnips’ll make ya sick
Townsfolk always been talking. But there’s talk. And then there’s farm talk. And when it come to farm talk, ya betta leave m’farm out yo’mouth. ‘Cus my turnips ain’t makin’ nobody sick. If you thr’w up after eatin’ one o’ my turnips, that wasn’t my turnip making you sick. That was you makin’ my turnip sick, ‘n’ my turnip desp’rately tryin’ ta finda way out.
3. The farm’s goin’ out o’ business
HA! If I had a dolla for ev’rytime I heard this one the last fortay ‘r so years, hoooooooboy. I’d be right FLUSH with dollas! See, the farm’s never be’n better. Roped in some 17.2 billion or sump’n like that, just last year. So yaaaaaaaaaah. Yup.
4. The big goat’s got a bad attitude
SPARE ME. The big goat’s got a bad attitude? C’mon now. ALL THE GOAT’S got bad attitudes! Them’s just the disposit’n of the goat!
5. Got a real guy as a scarecrow
Lisssssen. The townsf’lk are 45 miles ‘way from my farm. Yet they think they’know me? They think they’know m’farm? They think we got a real guy for a scarecr’w? We tried that, two days. Made him stand real stillout in the turnips. Don’t work. Crows can tell isaguy. We don’t GOT a guy as a scarecr’w, we HAD GOT a guy as a scarecr’w. Two diff’r’nt worlds. Know tha truth fore ya get the gullet goin’.
