Press "Enter" to skip to content

Find A Vein, You Nematode Sluts, Because Here Come 10 Mesofauna Taxa To Blow Your Shit To Nirvana

Look what we got here: a junkie. Looks like you haven’t slept in days. Want some of that squirmy wormy? A little bump of ’tode to take the edge off? Of course you do. You’re a slave to this shit.

1. Is this what you were looking for? That’s pure, mainlined Christmas right here. Real high-quality squirm.

2. Try scorching on this little wriggler. Fifty microns long, sensory bristles like a motherfucker—wild enough to make a ’tode slut like you lose your fucking shit.

3. Boom. Crystal-clear, uncut nematode. You likey? Does this eyeless soil-dweller make you tingle?

4. Excretory pores like these will make you lose your mind.

5. Bet you’ve never tranq’d on ’tode like this before. Much better than that basic dirt-mite shit you gutter punks go for.

6. Any phylum you need, just say the word.

7. Still shaking over there? Pathetic. Try some Venezuelan algae-fed. Ask around, you won’t find a more muscular sucking pharynx than this.

8. Tie off, fucker, here comes one with tubular gonads.

9. Now listen up, junkie: This shit here’s not for amateurs. You get about 800 of these fuckers together, and they can drop a corn moth in five minutes flat. Squirm at your own discretion.

10. Still not obliterated? Freebase on these papillae, then tweak for days.