You think you’re so great and impressive because you’re 31 years old, but the truth is that you’re nothing. There are millions of people who are older than you and therefore superior in every way. Get down on your knees and show them the respect they deserve, you piece of shit.
When someone is older than you, it means they are smarter and better than you. Whatever you have achieved in life, they have also achieved it, only sooner. Bow to this 63-year-old man, for he is your senior.
Why did God choose to make this woman before you? Because the world needed her more. Honor her, you worthless wretch.
You are young and foolish, cursed with the excesses of good health. She is old and wise, unburdened by the toils of functional legs. She, unlike you, has cracked the code. Exalt her, as she is approaching 80, the Age Of Death, and has achieved the pinnacle of the human form. Be awed.
Which of these men has contributed more to humanity, Levi or Albert Einstein? Einstein, of course. And remind us, which one is older? Yes, Einstein. This is no coincidence. Throw yourself at the feet of your elders and praise them like gods.
Debase yourself before Randy! Perform a humiliating dance of fealty, for he happened eight years before you. Do you not get goosebumps in his presence? He is 41 years old!
Puberty teaches us that the older you get, the larger you become, and that is certainly the case for this towering orange grandpa. Are you not amazed? Humble yourself before this leathern colossus who grows mightier and mightier with age.
She was a junior when you were a freshman. SHE WAS A JUNIOR WHEN YOU WERE A FRESHMAN. Pay tribute, you ass!
Why does God get to be God? Simple: because he’s been alive the longest. With age comes greatness, and few are greater than this esteemed bat. Kneel for her. Lie prostrate and rend your garments before this stooped goddess, for she is the closest to Heaven you’ll find on Earth. How lucky you are to breathe the same air as those who are older than you. You are not worthy!