It’s important to pursue the things that make you happy in life, but sadly for one man, doing what makes him happy almost never fails to backfire spectacularly: This birdwatcher keeps finding his parents having sex in trees while he’s looking for exotic birds.
This is so sad! It’s traumatic enough to see your parents having sex just once, but to see them having sex every time you do the thing you love must take a massive emotional toll!
Jacob has been a birdwatching enthusiast for over 15 years, but unfortunately, every time he looks into his binoculars to try to catch a glimpse of a beautiful bird, he makes the horrifying discovery that his mother and father, Eileen and Gil Wesman, are in the branches of the tree vigorously fucking one another. No matter what part of the world he’s in or what type of bird he’s looking for, Jacob always manages to accidentally catch a glimpse of his parents having intense, unbridled intercourse in a wide variety of positions. And thanks to the top-of-the-line binoculars he uses, he always sees their lovemaking in extreme detail at a massive magnification.
“I just want to look at beautiful birds, and instead I always see my mom and dad fucking each other like angry horses, shaking the branches and orgasming so loudly that it scares all the birds away,” Jacob says. “One time I tried going birdwatching really early in the morning while my parents were still sleeping, thinking I could avoid seeing them naked. But as soon as I looked through my binoculars, I saw my mom and dad fucking in a tree. When I got back home, they were still asleep. I am miserable every day because of this.”
Jacob says the most devastating birdwatching experience came last year when he was in the Amazon rainforest trying to catch a glimpse of the rare white-tailed cotinga. But right when he first looked through his binoculars, he spotted his parents passionately fucking each other in the highest branches. He immediately turned around to examine a tree dozens of yards in the other direction, and somehow his parents were fucking in the top of that tree too.
“Even though I was about 250 yards away from them, my dad looked directly at me and waved,” Jacob says of the incident. “Then my mom winked at me and gave me the finger. The entire time, they didn’t stop making love for even one second. It sucks, because I wanted to see an osprey, but instead I saw my totally naked parents having sex with each other. It completely ruined my expedition. Sometimes I wonder if I should quit birdwatching altogether. I don’t like seeing my parents have sex. It’s upsetting how good they are at it.”
Truly devastating. This guy just has the worst luck when it comes to trying to see birds instead of his parents having sex! Hopefully one day Jacob can manage to go birdwatching without seeing his nude parents going to town on each other.