Many men in the involuntarily celibate community believe that women would sleep with them if they looked more conventionally attractive, so they resort to surgery in order to correct their perceived flaws. However, these drastic measures are rarely the grand solution these men think they’ll be, and here’s proof: This incel got plastic surgery to look like Austin Powers but still can’t find people willing to sleep with him.
Damn, that’s rough. You gotta feel for the poor guy.
Earlier this week, an anonymous 32-year-old virgin posting under the username “IntrntnlManOfMystry” revealed on a popular incel forum that after years of obsessing over his body, he recently decided to spend thousands of dollars on reconstructive plastic surgery to look like movie character Austin Powers, believing that his dating and personal problems would disappear if he only had the exact physical features of the legendary ladies’ man. Yet after undergoing numerous agonizing surgical procedures to have his teeth yellowed and his jaw broken and reset several inches forward to form an outrageous overbite, IntrntnlManOfMystry has heartbreakingly discovered that, despite being the spitting image of one of the most oversexed pussy hounds in movie history, women are still no more willing to have intercourse with him than before he went under the knife.
“I underwent weeks of excruciating follicle implant treatments so I could have a dense thicket of chest hair just like Austin Powers, and I’ve been walking around with my swollen, surgically reassembled face, yelling ‘Do I make you horny, baby’ at women in a thick British accent, but for whatever reason, I can’t get any of the sluts to fuck me,” lamented IntrntnlManOfMystry in his message board post. “I mean, I took out a second mortgage on my home and cashed out my 401k so I could buy a new wardrobe of flamboyant vintage suits like Austin’s and lease a Jaguar convertible with the Union Jack on the hood like Austin’s, but the women just aren’t biting. Where’s my Foxy Cleopatra? Where’s my Ivana Humpalot? Where’s my Alotta Fagina? It just doesn’t make any sense.”
“I’m starting to wonder what’s even the point of using my Swedish-made penis enlarger pump every night if women are just going to run away from me when I loudly ask them if they want to shag now or shag later,” he continued. “I mean, what the fuck is going on? Not only do I look like Austin Powers, but I’ve even started hanging out with a little person and a 600-pound Scottish guy like he does, and chicks still aren’t putting out. I’m doing everything right! If Austin Powers can get hundreds of women to sleep with him, I should be able to get at least one measly handjob or something. What gives?”
Wow. Just devastating.
IntrntnlManOfMystry has done everything he possibly can to coerce women into having sex with him, but for whatever reason, it’s just not working out. While it doesn’t seem like he’s particularly kind or personable or respectful of women as human beings, such qualities really shouldn’t matter when you look exactly like Austin Powers. Here’s hoping IntrntnlManOfMystry is able to find his mojo and get some ladies to sleep with him, because no incel should ever have to go to such extreme lengths to make himself fuckable to women and still not get laid.