We’ve all been there: you’re throwing an awesome party that you’ve put a ton of effort into, and all anyone can do is focus on the man outside your window climbing a utility pole to fix the antenna. It’s one of the most frustrating experiences possible, but fortunately there are some things you can do to get your party back on track! Here’s how to get your party guests to socialize instead of staring at the Antenna Man.
1. Ask Your Guests What Their Favorite Thing About The Antenna Man Is
Getting a deep and meaningful conversation going is one of the best ways to get your party guests to come out of their shells! If you catch them staring at the Antenna Man instead of talking to one another, just throw out a classic conversation starter like, “Hey folks! What’s everyone’s favorite thing about the Antenna Man?” Almost immediately, your guests will start saying things to each other like, “My favorite thing about the Antenna Man is that he’s nearby,” and, “My favorite thing about the Antenna Man is that he climbs the utility pole to do his witchcraft with the antenna.” They’ll be talking about the Antenna Man for hours, and you’ll have a successful party on your hands.
2. Walk Around The House Firing A Gun Into The Ceiling
If your party guests are all silently staring at the Antenna Man through the window instead of talking to each other, you can get them to start chatting by walking around your house firing a gun into the ceiling over and over. This will get your party guests chatting, saying things like, “These gunshots sound dangerous, I hope the Antenna Man is okay,” and, “I heard the Antenna Man is the same height as David Letterman.” The gunshots will keep your guests talking long into the night, and your party will go down in history as one of the most social of the year!
3. Put On Some Music About The Antenna Man
Nothing gets a party going like the perfect playlist, and if your guests love the Antenna Man, then you should definitely play some classic songs about him to get everyone dancing and chatting. Songs like “Here Comes Him (The Antenna Man)” and “He Makes The TV Work Good (Antenna Man Nights)” will have your guests mingling and rubbing each other on the dance floor all night long.
4. Switch Houses
One of the reasons why your party guests are obsessed with looking at the Antenna Man is that they can see him from your house. The solution to this problem is so simple: live in a different house. Once your party guests are in a house where they can’t watch the Antenna Man through the window while he fiddles with the antenna, they’ll start saying things like, “I miss the old house that had the Antenna Man in the window,” and, “I wish I was dead because I can no longer see the Antenna Man.” Your guests will spend the rest of the party talking about how your new house sucks and all you’ll have to do is sit back and let the evening of a lifetime unfold!
5. Become The Antenna Man
Let’s face it: at the end of the day, nobody is going to care about anything except the Antenna Man. He is too wonderful to ignore. He is lovely. He fiddles around with the antenna and makes the TV work good again. That’s amazing. The only way you’re going to be able to distract your guests from something as amazing as the Antenna Man is to become the Antenna Man. Simply use a prayer from one of the six true religions in order to ask God to transform you into the Antenna Man. Suddenly you’ll find that your guests are all socializing with each other and saying things like, “The Antenna Man is here and I hope he either bites me or gives me money,” or, “I want to feed sushi to the Antenna Man.” People will be coming up to you all night asking you questions about what it’s like to be the Antenna Man and asking you to make their TV work again. It’ll be the party of the decade, and you’ll be the main attraction! It just goes to show that prayer is the most powerful force in the universe.
