In today’s hyper-polarized political climate, it’s incredibly important for there to be positive depictions of adultery in media. That’s why it is more powerful than ever to see beautiful drawings like these of Big Bird sprinting through the wilderness to make love to a married woman.
1. Big Bird Seeks Adultery In The Gobi Desert
There he goes! It’s Big Bird running as fast as he can through the Gobi Desert on a 6,000 mile journey to have sex with a 45-year-old married woman in Boston. The sweltering heat and the blinding sun will not slow Big Bird down as he makes a beeline towards an adulterous affair! While Big Bird runs through the desert, he gets a text message from the married woman letting him know she’s already thrown her wedding ring in the garbage. Big Bird texts back, “Adultery is a vegetable and I have the healthiest diet in the world,” but he does not stop moving—he texts while he runs. Adultery is beautiful to Big Bird, and he will risk his life in the desert in order to have sex with this woman while her husband is on a business trip. This is the kind of sex-positive image children everywhere need to see!
2. Big Bird Braves The Perilous Jungle On His Way To Pleasure A Married Woman
Here is Big Bird sprinting through the jungles of Vietnam on his way to the home of a married woman in London who is waiting for Big Bird to come have sex with her. Even though Big Bird is running quickly on his big, hairless legs, it will still take him months to reach the married woman, but as soon as he arrives he will say, “I am Big Bird and I’ve traveled through the jungle to have sex with you while your husband is gone or while he watches us. I don’t care if he sees us have sex.” And the woman will say, “Of course, you’re Big Bird. You’re yellow, and everything yellow is Big Bird. I don’t remember if my husband is home or not, but it doesn’t matter. Let’s have loud extramarital sex where you use your human penis to make love to me.” This is the kind of stunning picture that can inspire sex-positivity all over the world, and we are here for it!
3. Big Bird Runs Across The Tundra En Route To Make Love To Someone Else’s Wife
Siberia is a brutally cold and inhospitable place where very little life can survive, yet this does not deter Big Bird from booking it thousands of miles across the frigid tundra towards the home of a married woman in Tokyo. She is so far away, but Big Bird will not stop even to sleep as he risks hypothermia on his arduous journey to her marital bed. As Big Bird runs through the frozen wasteland, he is screaming, “Blizzards and tundra rats do not scare me! I’m on my way to commit adultery!” From somewhere deep in the jungle, a deep voice bellows, “Be careful, Big Bird! The woman has three children! Think of how your adultery will affect them!” And Big Bird shouts back, “I hope it ruins their lives! I’m Sesame Street’s CEO of Adultery!” It’s so inspiring to see Big Bird going above and beyond like this to have extramarital sex. This is the kind of sex-positive message that everyone needs to see!
4. Big Bird Scales A Treacherous Rock Face In Order To Get To A Distant Bride For A Sexual Reason (Adultery)
The threat of death is meaningless to Big Bird. Oscar The Grouch calls him “the Adultery Hound,” and it’s a well-deserved title. Look at Big Bird here, hanging precariously hundreds of feet in the air, using all his strength to summit a rock face so that he can get to a married woman who lives in California! Vultures and ravens fly around Big Bird’s head and say, “You can do it, Big Bird! You can make it up this mountain and go commit adultery!” And Big Bird says, “Thank you, my friends! With the support of other birds, all adultery is possible! Many times on Sesame Street I have told the children the important lesson that birds will always help other birds commit adultery!” Just one misstep means certain death, but Big Bird does not care because he is going to have mediocre sex with a married woman and they are both going to have an okay time doing it in front of the woman’s sad husband! Now more than ever, these images are exactly what America needs to see. Only adultery can heal America, and Americans can’t commit adultery until they see Big Bird doing it first! When it comes to adultery, nothing can stop Big Bird! There’s no distance too great, no terrain too dangerous for Big Bird! He’ll do whatever it takes to make passionate love to women who are already married, and that is incredibly beautiful.
