It Turns Out Enough Of You Have Googled ‘Pikachu Breastfeeding Barack Obama’ For This To Be An Economically Viable List To Publish
May 18, 2016
All right, let’s just be up front about this: We need to publish content that we know people will click on, otherwise our website won’t make money. With that said, it turns out that large portions of key demographics have been Googling the phrase “Pikachu breastfeeding Barack Obama.” In fact, so many people have been searching for this that it’s become economically prudent for us to publish a list of the best images of Pikachu breastfeeding Barack Obama that the internet had to offer. For the significant chunk of the population who wanted to see this, enjoy!
This drawing of an enormous Pikachu with mammary glands breastfeeding a tiny President Obama is apparently a thing that a non-negligible portion of you wanted to see. So here you go.
All right, well, here’s this thing. Statistically, this is a thing that enough of you will like and share for us to put this up on our website.
If this image seems shocking or upsetting to you, you should know that the search term “Pikachu + Obama milk squirt from distance” is typed into Google so many times that we’re going to end up making a substantial sum in ad revenue from people clicking on this list. So many of you seem to crave this exact thing that, quite frankly, it would be fiscally irresponsible on our part not to run this list.
Look, we’re not saying that the majority of people find this thing pleasant. We’re just saying that enough people have been searching for images like these that it justifies us hitting the publish button on a collection of them.
Honestly, we find this picture kind of upsetting, but there are enough people out there who apparently want this sort of thing and will say something like, “Awesome! Here’s a literally perfect picture of the male Pokemon Pikachu breastfeeding the current president of the United States, Barack Obama! Nice!” Our market research shows that we’re going to get enough traffic on this thing to make a profit on it.
This could have been a longform piece about the economic crisis in Greece. It could have been an in-depth profile of Vladimir Nabokov. If that’s what you had wanted, that’s what we would have given you. Instead, according to all available data, what a surprisingly large portion of you actually wanted was an assortment of images depicting Pikachu breastfeeding Barack Obama. So that’s what you’re getting here. Hope you like it.
See? This list is already netting us valuable sponsored content money. We showed Carnival Cruise Line the statistics on how many of you are searching the phrase “Pickachu Chest Nectar Obama,” and they paid us $200,000 to include their name and logo on this image of Pikachu nourishing Barack Obama with his breast milk. Now, this will be the first thing that pops up. We get a huge amount of money, and Carnival Cruise gets tons of brand visibility. Everybody wins.
Regardless of how we feel about what we’ve done here today, this content is already breaking traffic records for us. This gets us the funds we need to post new content, and the cycle begins itself anew. If you’re one of the many people who wanted to see Pikachu breastfeeding Barack Obama, we hope you loved this list, and don’t forget to like and share!