Relax, mi bonita. To dance mambo is not to memorize steps. It is to give yourself to el music. It is to feel el rhythm of el timbales de your soul. To express with your body the spirit of el brass, claves, and piano as if they were your very own limbs. Amor, amor…look not at your feet. You must look into these photos of Ed Helms, and let el mambo take control.
Eyes up, mi dulzura preciosa. Your feet will not tell you where they must go. They do not have el answer. Direct your gaze at this photo of Ed Helms, el boy de flavor Latina. Your feet will know what to do next.
Mambo is passion. It is el sun and air of Havana on your skin—a sensation that cannot be explained, but can only be understood by looking at this photo of Ed Helms at el Jeff Who Lives At Home premiere. Give el music de your heart to Helms. Do not be afraid, mi chica pequeña!
Forward. Back. Again. Now faster, por de favor, mi hermosa baja. Let your hips become one with el conga rhythm. Become lost in el pulsing Latin rumba de Helms, El Guava Blanco himself.
¡Olé! Ojos on Helms de Hangover! ¡¡¡OLÉ!!!
To look at Helms is to taste el spirit of musica de salsa music. There is an old Havana saying about mambo, which in el language inglesa goes: “A photo of Ed Helms is to mambo as a crab is to pinching.” Justo, no?
Cha-cha-cha! One-and-Ed-and-three-and-Helms! Mi señora poca, you are doing it! You are truly mamboing now!