A New York-based creative director found herself in a situation with an uncanny resemblance to Robert Eggers’ gothic horror blockbuster Nosferatu earlier this week, when she awoke to discover that the guy she’d hooked up with the night before had terrible legs.
Yikes! Better keep an eye open for plague rats, because it sounds like Nosferatu is no longer the stuff of fiction!
When 32-year-old Samantha Howe stayed late at the bar having drinks with friend-of-a-friend Peter Lingon, she wasn’t picking up Nosferatu vibes at all. Unlike Count Orlok, the film’s grim antihero, Peter wasn’t a ghoulish undead count, but an aspiring culinary podcaster, and while Peter was just as bald as Count Orlok and dressed similarly, his moustache wasn’t quite as bushy. But all of that changed the next morning in Peter’s studio apartment, where Samantha woke up to see a beam of sunlight shining on Peter’s naked legs as he lay sleeping on the futon.
Throughout the previous nights’ hazy and short-lived hookup, Samantha hadn’t noticed anything amiss with Peter’s legs, but now, laid bare before her, their horrors were fully revealed. His kneecaps jutted like skin-covered onions from his lanky, pale twig-legs, which looked like they’d never once been exposed to sunlight or subjected to a single lower-body workout. His assless pelvis appeared as if it were an oversized diaper sitting atop his skimpy shanks, which were covered in patchy, translucent hair and a roadmap of blue veins that pulsed and rippled like crawling worms underneath his paper-thin skin. It was all Samantha could do to grab her nearly dead phone from the floor, steal a LUNA Bar from Peter’s counter, and run as fast as she could to the subway to escape his lair before he awoke.
Damn. It sucks Samantha had to live through this, but for the horror nuts out there, it’s gotta be pretty cool to know that Nosferatu just basically came to life!
Will Peter try replying to all of Samantha’s Instagram stories with emojis in an attempt to psychically control her the way Count Orlok psychically controlled Ellen in the film? Will she fall under his dark spell again the next time it’s the full moon and she’s had four Appletinis and happens to be in Red Hook at 11:45 p.m.? We can’t say what bone-chilling, leg-related horrors are yet to occur for Samantha, but for Nosferatu fans, this is already as cool as it gets!
