When I took off my shirt on the side of the road and started showing my muscles to traffic, it didn’t take long before drivers began hitting the brakes. Yup, these five strangers pulled their cars over to observe me flexing. Why? Because they’re real ones. That’s why!
1. This old woman
“Game respects game!” is what this old woman yelled when she stopped her car in the passing lane to watch my physique at work. I gave her a peek at my arm muscles (big), my back muscles (huge), and my abdominals (monstrous), and you know she was honking that horn out of respect! Too bad she got truck-sticked out of the passing lane and into a ditch by a big 18-wheeler—I would’ve been happy to flex for this old and real woman for even longer!
2. This taxi driver
Even though he had a passenger in the back, this taxi driver pulled over to watch me squeeze my ‘ceps, ‘toids, and ‘torals for an hour straight! An hour! That’s how you know this taxi driver doesn’t play games—when he sees muscles like mine on the side of the road, he parks his car and soaks up the sights, whether he’s on the job or not. The passenger in the back was screaming and scratching him as the meter kept running up and up and up, but that taxi man did not give a damn. He saw the results of me putting that work in at the gym, and he knew he was looking at something special. That’s a real one!
3. This man who begged me to get in the back of his sedan so he could watch me flex my muscles from his rearview mirror
“I must have your muscles in my mirror! I must! Please get in my car and flex in my backseat!” They don’t come more real than this one. He cut-off several cars and caused multiple accidents just to let me know he recognized what he was seeing—traps that makes ‘em yaps, yessir! And yap about my traps he did. He got out of his car, smashed his back window, and begged me to jump into his backseat so I could flex in his rearview mirror while he drove. I just winked and kept on flexing. When he realized he couldn’t have my muscles in his mirror? Do you know what he did? He drove his car right into the river. That, my friends, is a really, really, real one.
4. This trucker
Pull over. Thumbs up at my muscles. Honk. Honk. Depart. Honk again on the way out. This trucker kept his recognition of my “body tissues with bigness issues” low-key but legit. He was smooth with it. In and out, he had no doubt. That’s how you look at a man on the side of the road’s muscles. That’s how it’s done. No bullshit. Just observing the work and keeping it moving. I flex for people like him. People like him are why I do this.
5. This school bus driver
There’s real, and then there’s “making sure the schoolchildren see me flexing my muscles on the side of the road” real. This school bus driver falls in the latter category, and with the utmost of certainties. She did not care that the kids were late to school. She threw on the school bus hazards, sat back, and recognized my abs with her eyes one by one by one by one by one by one by one by one (eight-pack on deck, unobscured by t-shirt material (bare-chested on the side of the damn road), make no mistake!). My upper body’s the only school that’ll teach you anything worth knowing anyway. Muscles 101—school is in session, and only real ones may attend! School bus lady, thank you for stopping your bus to pay homage to my muscles with a look that says “I see you!”—and you’re very welcome for flexing for you!
