Many ancient traditions fade away over time, which is why it’s so amazing to see a group of people loyally keeping one of their most sacred rituals alive: The rich blond girls from college have embarked on their yearly pilgrimage to Aspen to get drunk before noon on top of a mountain.
The annual journey begins with rich girls forming a solemn procession into their families’ private jets, which then carry them thousands of miles from their homes in California and New York to the exclusive ski lodges of Aspen, where they will soon proceed to binge-drink all morning long in order to become heavily intoxicated before lunchtime. The rich blond girls will find shelter in a luxurious home owned by their parents, and begin making plans for the next day to once again return to the mountain peak where they will get blackout-drunk in the morning sun, as dictated by the holy and time-worn laws of their culture.
To conclude this consecrated rite, the wealthy twentysomethings each put on their traditional garb of 300 dollars’ worth of athletic clothes, take a morning workout class together, and drink a bottle of Patrón. In keeping with hallowed customs, they will then proceed to vomit into a ceremonial marble sink in a five-star hotel room, in strict accordance with the tenets passed down by their hyper-privileged ancestors who have been storming into Aspen to drink full bottles of Jäger and provoke noise complaints for countless generations.
Absolutely beautiful. It’s so inspiring to see a group of people respect their cherished practices. Here’s hoping that more people out there show as much dedication and reverence as the rich blond girls from college!
