We’re all for obeying traffic laws to keep everyone safe on the roads, but the road sign we just came across is honestly providing us with way more questions than it is answers: this “deaf child” sign alerts us to a deaf child’s existence but does not explain what anyone is supposed to do about it.
Is the deaf child like…around? And is that going to be an issue? What the fuck is going on here?
Seriously, we’re pretty fucking lost as to what the hell is going on on this otherwise totally regular neighborhood street. Other than the two cryptic words “Deaf Child,” the sign is not giving us any helpful info, like where the child is, or what it looks like, or if it’s planning on darting into the road or something like that. FYI, if we were driving down this road at 20 miles an hour, we would probably not be able to tell whether any kid we saw walking down the sidewalk was deaf or hearing or what. The sign provides absolutely no help in this regard.
And by the way, if a child did dart into the road, our plan isn’t to honk the horn, wait for him to hear us, and if he doesn’t, just go ahead and mow him down. Deaf or not deaf, we’re gonna stop the car — so if that’s what the sign is trying to tell us to do, we already had that covered.
Is the sign just supposed to be a big, ominous announcement that a deaf child is looming somewhere nearby? Should we be afraid of this mythical deaf child? Or does he need something from us? We’re pretty sure that deaf people generally lead happy, fulfilling lives, so we weren’t planning on, like, hopping out of the car to help this kid with anything. Anyways, isn’t he probably inside or in his backyard doing normal kid stuff? Not walking down the middle of the street?
All we see are a few squirrels. No deaf child. What’s supposed to go down right now?
The only thing we can think to say at this point is congrats to one of the families on this street on having a deaf child. Maybe that’s what they want — for people to come up to them and tell them, “congratulations on having a deaf child?” And so maybe that’s why they put up the sign announcing it? Listen, that’s fine, but seriously, let us know in clearer terms. We’re trying to drive over here and we don’t have time to puzzle out any baffling road signs.
No matter which way we try to look at it, this sign is beyond bewildering. It would help if it said “Deaf Child Crosses Street Here At 2 p.m.,” or “Deaf Child (Don’t Worry About It)” or something of that nature. But for now it’s just confusing, and it’s probably making our driving worse than it otherwise would have been. God damn it! This sign is a safety fail on every level!