Attention, foodies! If you’re searching for the most exciting destination in molecular gastronomy, look no further than Picó, the new undisputed darling of L.A.’s crowded high-end food scene. It will almost certainly astonish you with its stunningly intimate interiors, its relentlessly creative fare, and the strange, haunting phenomenon whereby wild elephants inexplicably wander into its dining room, lie down, and die.
Every single bite from Picó’s gorgeously deconstructed plates sings with flavor and imagination, and coupled with the exotic moaning of an elderly pachyderm taking its final labored breaths, the experience amounts to so much more than a meal!
“We don’t know where the elephants come from, but they really like to die here,” said Picó chef and owner, Rodrigo Galindez. “I never thought there even were elephants in Los Angeles, but somehow over 50 have walked in here and died. They’ve chosen our restaurant, and I don’t know why.”
While you can’t go wrong with anything on Picó’s ambitious tasting menu, we’d strongly recommend the hot green garlic soup with sea urchin and vanilla gelée, which serves as an intoxicating complement to the grand existential awe of having 7-ton elephants decomposing just feet from your table. The kitchen’s brilliant understanding of acid allows each note of the dish to stand out above the dizzying stink of decaying elephant corpses densely permeating every square inch of the restaurant.
Be aware, though, that it’s best you keep your expectations in check. Galindez says that there can be days at a time when no elephants show up, whereas some nights you might see as many as 10 elephants staggering through the front door, each of them departing its mortal husk in a solemn parade of death. And then, on especially unique occasions, a healthy female elephant might show up, give birth to several lifeless calves, and then stampede angrily out the front door in a demonic frenzy!
Whatever the case, you’ll at the very least see the skeletons of dozens of elephants, and you’ll likely have to climb through several of them to reach your table—an experience you won’t soon forget.
“I wish my restaurant wasn’t covered with dead elephants,” said Galindez, revealing that the dying elephants sometimes reappear later as ghosts in his dreams. “I don’t know why God is doing this to me.”
Reservations are filling up months in advance, so be sure to book now for your chance at a truly breathtaking culinary event. Bon appétit!