Well…it has happened to her.
Television has many children on it, and for many years, the main one was Miley Cyrus. But now, that is no longer…the case. The main television child herself, known for being a clothed child who does not display nudity and flesh, has now gone ahead and become a nude adult…by taking off her clothes.
Yes, there they are, her breasts (fully mature) and her rear end/buttocks (legally shown). They are here now.
Yesterday, we didn’t believe that she would ever grow up and become so…what can only be described as…naked, but now…that did happen. Her father, the singing cowboy, has tipped his 10-gallon hat at his daughter’s adult choice to flush her clothing down the toilet and all of his fatherly emotions spilled out of his hat as they did out of the hats of us, her television viewing audience. We used to turn on her shows expecting to see a child and her clothing, not a woman and her…public vagina.
Goodbye, precocious young Miley. We now bellow to you, our formerly unblemished babe of Tinseltown, a loud and lengthy song called, “Oh Disney Child, Do You Know You Are Grown Up And Naked?” The song you sing back will, of course, be titled, “Yes, Thank You For Asking In Song Form.” And we will breathe a sigh, not of relief, not of disappointment, and not of surprise, but of understanding. A sigh of understanding that this is The Disney Child but her body grew thanks to years of consuming nutrients and that she is…nakedly.
Miley is now a fully naked adult. We knew her as a child who was clothed so completely, but putting her clothes back on can never change the nude actions which have taken place. Who is next? Selena Gomex? Zach Enron? Thankfully, for now, our favorite young stars are still children without a naked life. But the calendar stops for no one, as evidenced by our former Hannah Montana getting fully formed breasts (easily seen thanks to her…nude photo) and completely sprouting pubic hair (not a special effect, but real).
Do not cry, America, for your tears are statistically unlikely flood the earth and raise Miley’s clothing back onto her body. Nothing will put her back the way she was now, besides maybe a potion. Hold back your tears and simply wave goodbye to the Miley we once knew and wave hello to her…nude photo.