Frank Sinatra lived a very colorful life, and he picked up a lot of wisdom along the way. That’s why if anyone knew how to tell apart a Cadillac Eldorado from a lady, it was Ol’ Blue Eyes. Here are 10 Sinatra quotes that beautifully convey the difference between a car and a dame.
1. “Every dame looks the same / I can’t tell ‘em apart / But cars are different colors / Yes, oftentimes they are!”
2. “Ladies and gentleman, please welcome my dear Mr. Tony Bennett. He’s not a car or a dame. You can tell, because if he was a car, he’d be all fiberglass and aluminum, and if he was a dame, he’d be a wife. Take it away, Tony!”
3. “That’s a car, there’s no denyin’ it / They say she’s a lady, but I ain’t buyin’ it / Can’t you see, can’t you see / She’s got four wheels and she beeps / Can’t you see, can’t you see / She looks like a car to me / I’d know! / I’m Fraaaaaaank!”
4. “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink, because when they wake up, that is the best they’re going to feel all day. Also, cars can travel at speeds of over 100 mph, whereas the fastest I’ve ever seen a woman run is 42 mph. That’s one of the biggest differences between the two.”
5. “A dame eats food / A car eats gas / A dame is prude / A car gives it up fast / A dame’s good looks got nothin’ / On a brand new Cadillac / When I’m on my knees / Pants down / The exhaust pipe / Touching lips / With my / Anus!”
6. “It was me, Dean Martin, and Sammy Davis Jr., cruising around the Vegas strip in Sammy’s lime green Corvette. It was a beauty, that car, it really was. Suddenly, Sammy asks, ‘What do you think of my mother?’ Dean says, ‘Your mother? What do you mean, Sam? We’ve never met your mother.” He says ‘You’re in her right now!’ Dean and I just give each other a look. I says, ‘Sammy…we’re in a car, not a woman, let alone your mother.’ So Sammy says back, ‘What? You’re telling me I’m not currently in the driver’s seat of the woman who gave birth to me?’ I says, ‘No, no Sam. You’re in a car. You can tell because you’re holding a steering wheel. Dames don’t have steering wheels. Cars do. It’s a key difference.’ Sammy laughs and says, ‘I guess you’re right, Franky baby, you egghead. You always know what’s what.’ Then after that, we all went and had sex with a 14-year-old prostitute.”
7. “Whores and taxis are hard to tell apart, ‘cause you gotta pay both to go for a ride. But wanna know my secret for telling the difference? Whores got teeth.”
8. “Buckle my seat belt / Check / Adjust the rearview / Check / Start the engine / Check / We’re all set to go / ‘Cause that’s how I know / I’m driving a car / And not interacting with a lady / Baby, I’m Fraaaaaank!”
9. “Enjoy fine women, enjoy fine cars, but just remember the law: Slap a dame, it ain’t no shame. Slap a car, get life behind bars.”
