We all make mistakes sometimes, and the mature thing to do is apologize. Here’s how to write an apology that expresses how sincere your regret is.
1. Do something that you’ll need to apologize for: You’re not going to win any friends back if they aren’t upset with you yet. Before you even think about writing your letter, do something horrible—so horrible that you have to write an apology after.
2. Address the letter to “Dear Wise Sage”: They were right and you were wrong, so admit it by calling them a wise sage or an exalted scholar. It’s a simple touch that goes a long way!
3. Describe the size of your shame: Figure out exactly how big your shame is and let them know. Knowing that you have a gargantuan, swollen shame will make them less angry at you.
4. If your shame isn’t big enough, apologize for that, too: Maybe you have a huge shame, but your misdeeds deserve a colossal shame. Say you’re sorry your shame is too small, and describe the size of your shame over that, too. Don’t lie and say it’s bigger than it is! Lying is how you got in this mess.
5. Proclaim how many blood debts you owe: If you’ve wronged someone, you must shed the blood they command until your debt is repaid. A small error might only accrue one or two blood debts, but larger mistakes might require you to strike down many people to make things right.
6. List all the good things you’ve done in your life: You’re not a bad person, so remind them that you have been good in many instances.
7. Photograph their family: People love their family and always want more photos of them. This is optional, but it’s a nice gesture to covertly take pictures of all their close relatives and put them in the envelope with your letter.
8. Apologize in advance: Since you’ve already got their attention, might as well say what you have planned next. You’ll enjoy doing the bad thing more when the apology for it is already in the bag.
Follow these tips and you’ll be completely forgiven. Now that you know how to apologize, what are you going to apologize for? Post your shame in the comments!