Pope Francis just got back to the Vatican after a long morning in the woods, washing the feet of whatever animals he encountered. He got awfully dirty, so we need your help checking him for ticks.
First thing’s first: Use the slider to take the Pope’s shirt off and examine his upper body for ticks. The Catholic church’s PR team already has more than enough headaches to deal with right now, and the last thing they need is the Pope making international headlines for having Lyme disease.
Uh oh. Looks like there are deer ticks all over the inside of the Pope’s cassock. Annoyingly, the Pope refuses to use bug spray because he claims it counts as committing the sin of Pride, although it’s pretty obvious he just doesn’t like the smell of it. Put the cassock in the wash and then dry it with high heat. After, make sure to double-check that the ticks are all gone, as they come in a variety of sizes just like the Holy Trinity (e.g. Jesus is large, God is tiny, and the Holy Spirit is somewhere in between), and it can be easy to miss some of the real little ones.
Now, run a comb through the Pope’s hair and inspect his scalp. Don’t worry about any angels you find there. He’s aware, and has a special shampoo for that.
Yikes. While checking his privates for ticks, you found an absolute monster tick gorging on His Holiness’s ass! You need to remove the tick before the Pope notices, otherwise he’ll just scream and scream and scream. Using tweezers, grab the tick as close to the Pope’s ass skin as possible and pull upward with steady, even pressure. Dab up any blood left behind and then later give the blood to the Vatican archives so that it can be preserved as a sacred relic for future generations.
Last but not least, check the Pope’s soul for ticks. If his soul is all clear, pat the Pope on the bottom and send him on his merry way.
Thanks for all your help! Checking the Pope for ticks is always a huge ordeal, and by selflessly lending a hand, you have exemplified the true nature of Christ, just as we are commanded. May God bless you for rendering His Holiness parasite-free!
