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We Asked 22 Strangers How Far They Think They Can Throw Ellen Page

‘How far could you throw Ellen Page?’ It’s a simple question, but when we put it to these 22 complete strangers on the street, the answers they gave will stun and inspire you.

Meghan Culbert, 44 – “Five feet.”

Kayla Sarret, 21 – “Three feet, maybe a little more.”

Jon Massine, 39 – “The actress? Three feet exactly.”

Denny Artens, 50 – “I’ve never tried, but at least four or five feet. That much I’m confident about. Once you’re in the seven-to-10 range, that’s where it gets dicey. I sincerely doubt that anyone besides pro musclemen could consistently throw Ellen Page more than 10 feet, but hey, I’ve been wrong before. Anyone who says more than 15 feet, though? That person is not being straight with you.”

Franz Messner, 38 – “Twenty-five feet.”

Andrea Comstock, 26 – “Oh, I’d really rather not say. Not very far at all, I’m afraid.”

Dana Tereul, 60 – “Nine feet.”

Jonathan Tonke, 52 – “Five or six feet.”

Julia Westmer, 30 – “We’re talking earth gravity here? With no performance-enhancing stuff for me, and she doesn’t have too much water in her weighing her down? And she’s cooperating? And we’re assuming long-jump rules, where the distance is marked at the shortest distance any part of her body touches? Hmm. In that case, I don’t know. Hard question.”

Michael Humboldt, 31 – “As far as she is tall.”

Angie Palladas, 71 – “Not sure.”

Malea Jackson, 42 – “I’d like to think at least a foot or two.”

John Tang, 36 – “Physically, I’d toss Ellen eight or nine feet, easy. Psychologically, though? In accordance with my conscience? That’s a different story. Remember, we’re talking about tossing not just another human being, who can feel pain and get injured, but a human being who has starred in several beautiful films that genuinely moved me. I, for one, know I would feel just awful endangering Ellen Page by putting my full force into a throw. Probably more like five feet for me.”

Suzie Escerisco, 49 – “Forty yards.”

Gregory Hawn, 29 – “Three feet. Not an inch more or less.”

Dan Brewer, 48 – “It’s a question I’ve given a lot of thought, and I still don’t know.”

Eileen Foreman, 31 – “Totally depends on the situation. If I’m throwing her off a tall diving board, that’s definitely going to help out with the final number. In an average situation though, I’ll go with 20 feet.”

Jonah Portau, 6 – “One thousand, one hundred feet.”

Kevin Parise, 75 – “As far as I am tall.”

Erin Simmons, 18 – “Three feet.”

Myles Ancalf, 36 – “Three feet.”

Kent Lipin, 25 – “I don’t know.”