A good man is hard to find, but there are still plenty of them out there. Check this list to see whether or not you’ve got a keeper.
1. He makes you feel beautiful, like a polished oaken banister: Whether you’re in your sweatpants with no makeup or donning your best dress on the way to a ball, a truly good man will always make you feel as beautiful as the most stunningly crafted handrail in the most ornate 19th-century palace.
2. He lets you touch the shiny things in his nest: It may just look like a filthy burrow made of old blankets and wall insulation, but his nest is his home, and if he trusts you enough to touch his prized shiny objects—the cans, the broken plastic tiara, the special rocks, the blank CD—then chances are you mean the world to him.
3. He rarely hides wolf spiders in the popcorn bag at the movies: A really good guy almost never does this—maybe only once in every six movies, at the most.
4. He keeps a rope tethered to you to yank you back if you ever get sucked up into a tornado: It’s the little things like this that show you he cares.
5. He tells you whenever there is a plane: A good man is always looking out for you, and he’ll always stop whatever he’s doing if he sees a plane in the sky and wants you to see it too.
6. When you come upon a puddle on the sidewalk, he shoots it with a gun: Don’t let anyone tell you that chivalry is dead, because there are still many men out there who will grant you this simple yet meaningful courtesy.
7. He never stops clapping when he’s with your friends: The people who matter to you should matter to him, and the best way he can demonstrate this is by applauding vigorously every time he is near them.
8. He believes in you so much that he will be crushed if you aren’t the next president: He is your biggest cheerleader, and if you fail to achieve the nation’s highest office in 2016, he will be truly shocked and devastated.
9. He listens first and tells you about the chipmunk he saw second: A good man will make listening to you a priority, whether you’re sharing good news or venting or simply telling him about your day. Only after you’ve shared what’s on your mind will he give you an extensive play-by-play about the funny chipmunk he saw by the gas station and the kind of food wrapper it was holding in its mouth.
10. He doesn’t have crutches: The best men are the ones who aren’t broken. Be sure to choose one who doesn’t require any contraptions just to move around.
