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17 Things Every Father Wants To Hear His Kid Say

Being a dad isn’t easy, but it’s the special little things your kids say that make it all worthwhile.

1. Nice tie, Pops. Looks very congressional, if I do say so myself.

2. We got the numbers back, and it looks like you’ve got strong, positive name recognition in rural counties, as well as quite a bit of interest up north. I really think you could win this thing, Dad.

3. Remember, Dad, this isn’t just your first campaign speech. This is the first time these people get to meet their next congressman.

4. Everyone’s cheering for you out there, Pops—I got goosebumps! Shades of Reagan!

5. The profile in the Tribune didn’t say anything about the summer houses, so I think we’re in the clear.

6. Reynolds dropped out! Reynolds dropped out! The nomination’s yours!

7. Whoa, look at all these donors. Ethanol, telecommunications, pharma—industry’s got your back!

8. Everyone’s really loving this new TV spot, Dad. They’re really going for the strong-values-for-a-strong-economy angle.

9. What the hell’s a Majority Whip, anyway? Don’t listen to that clown, Dad. You’ve got this.

10. Independents are starting to trickle your way. This is good. This is real good.

11. Did you see the endorsement from the teachers union? Not sure where that came from, but we’ll take it!

12. So far, you’ve been crushing these town hall debates, Pops. Just keep it vague on the flatter-tax-rate stuff and you’ve got this locked.

13. Holy smokes, you were incredible! That wasn’t a debate—that was a eulogy for the incumbent!

14. You’ve never had a problem closing a deal before, and this isn’t any different. This is business. Go out there and close the deal.

15. Exit numbers are looking good, Pops. Shouldn’t be long now.

16. Last polls are closing now and you’re still up 11 points. Unless they pull off a Hail Mary, it’s all yours.

17. Congratulations, Dad—or should I say Mr. Congressman.