As humiliating as it is to have my confessions mocked on MyDumbassParishioners.blogspot.com, I can at least say I’ve repented for sinning and that my conscience is clear of guilt. I cannot say the same for Father Kevin.

Confession 1: I ate meat on a Friday.

The Sacrament of Penance is supposed to leave you feeling cleansed and uplifted. I feel worse than I did before. I really trusted Father Kevin to be professional about this.

Confession 2: I took the Lord’s name in vain.

You know, it takes a lot for me to be true to my faith and open up about feeling guilty over this to anyone. For Father Kevin, a man of God, to jeer my dirty laundry online? I cannot emphasize how un-Christian this is for anyone to do, let alone an ordained priest.

Confession 3: I masturbated.

…what the hell, Father Kevin?

Confession 4: I deliberately missed Sunday Mass.

The Catechism’s Code of Canon Law states that “it is a crime for a confessor in any way to betray a penitent by word or in any other manner or for any reason,” and any priest that does is “subject to severe ecclesiastical penalties” that can only be lifted by the Pope. I have filed a formal complaint to the Church.

Confession 5: I committed adultery.

This was supposed to be between me, Father Kevin, and God. He has put my marriage on the line for no reason whatsoever. I feel so betrayed.

Confession 3: I masturbated (repost).

Lord, forgive me for saying this, but Father Kevin is a Goddamn asshole.