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5 Reasons Why My Life Wouldn’t Be Affected All That Much If Godzilla Were Real And Leveling Japanese Cities

In a scenario where Godzilla is real and laying waste to Japan, odds are my day-to-day life would not be affected in any meaningful way. Here’s why.

  1. I don’t know any Japanese people

Of course, if I had relatives or friends living in Tokyo or Fukuoka, I’d be distressed to learn that Godzilla had emerged from the sea and begun knocking down skyscrapers in those cities. However, the fact of the matter is that I have no personal connections to anyone in Japan. I’d still pray for minimal casualties despite having no personal investment with anyone threatened by Godzilla’s reign of terror, but any loss of life would not touch my family or social circle, as it stands. 

  1. I live in Iowa

I live in a landlocked state, many thousands of miles away from Japan, in a country with the most powerful military the world has ever known. The likelihood that Godzilla makes it to Iowa from Japan before he’s defeated and/or driven back into the sea by global military forces or another kaiju such as Mothra or Mechagodzilla is incredibly low. I’d only begin to worry if Godzilla made it to Ireland and proceeded eastward into the Atlantic Ocean. Until then, I’d feel confident that the Godzilla situation would reach its conclusion well before I’d ever have to consider evacuating Des Moines.

  1. I’ve never really kept up with the news

Not a news junkie, never have been. I do subscribe to the New York Times’ free evening newsletter summing up the day’s most important events, so I’m sure that’d keep me in the loop regarding the broad strokes of Godzilla’s invasion of mainland Japan. Otherwise, to me, Godzilla would feel like any other tragic event that takes the world by storm without directly touching my life (e.g. the European migrant crisis, the 2010 Haiti earthquake, Columbine, etc.).

  1. I’m currently fostering a senior dog, and her special needs take up most of my free time and attention these days

Pippa is a blind 13-year-old border collie who I began fostering a few months ago. Given her advanced age and numerous health issues, she’s all but assured to spend her final days in my home. My emotional energy is almost entirely spent on making sure the remainder of her life is spent in comfort. Unless I had to start feeding and administering suppositories to Godzilla too, Pippa would remain a far bigger priority in my life. To be clear, I don’t intend to be callous, or suggest that I value my foster dog’s life more than that of Japanese civilians…but consider that I tend to Pippa’s arthritis every single day, and that I’ve never even met a Japanese person. 

  1. I’m not all that interested in traveling to Japan anyway

Though I imagine Japan is a wonderful country to visit, and I do appreciate its rich history and culture, I’ve never felt compelled to experience Japan for myself. It’s just not on my traveling bucket list, is all. Sure, I’d be sad if Tokyo was wiped off the map by the King Of Monsters, but it wouldn’t be because there was anything specific I was hoping to see there as a tourist. Yup. The truth is, until I develop more of a personal connection with or interest in Japan or its citizens, my life would carry on as per usual if Godzilla annihilated their entire country. Not my lane, and probably won’t be anytime soon.