Let’s face it: Getting hit by a car can be stressful, and even more so when it turns into an awkward social situation. Stay prepared by looking out for these five telltale signs that the driver who just hit you with his car is trying to invite you to his puppet show.
1. He writes his insurance information down on a flier featuring a photo of himself surrounded by puppets
If the guy who hit you with his car scribbles his name and phone number on the back of a flier that says something like “One Night Only: Patrick’s Puppets Sing The Blues ” or “The Legacy Of The Gulf War: An Educational Puppet Show For Adults And Adolescents,” there’s a solid chance he’s hoping you turn the paper around and express your interest in attending the performance. This is especially true if the driver digs through his glove compartment for the flier for several minutes rather than simply emailing you the information or using another piece of paper. In situations like these, you can almost guarantee that he sees you not just as a victim of an accident he caused, but also as a potential fan.
2. He describes your injuries to 911 as “nothing a couple hours of world-class marionette magic can’t fix”
If the driver makes reference to the healing powers of puppetry when he calls 911 on your behalf, he is most likely trying to plant the seed in your mind that going to his puppet show could help with your recovery. He might respond to questions about whether you are conscious with answers like, “Conscious enough to enjoy my sock puppet choir’s rendition of ‘Joyful, Joyful’ tonight, that’s for damn sure,” or “Breathing, but not as heavily as Mr. Feetsies at the end of his monologue in Act II.” These kinds of comments are clear attempts on his part to provide you with a sort of teaser for his puppet show and potentially entice you to watch it.
3. He lets you use a puppet from his trunk as a pillow to lay on until an ambulance arrives
You might think that the driver who hit you is just trying to be helpful if he pulls out an enormous felt replica of John Kerry and lets you rest your head on his “big star” until help comes to the scene, but this is potentially also a ploy to pique your interest in the one-man, 20-puppet performance he is putting up. Of course, he may be genuinely concerned for your wellbeing, but he is almost definitely also trying to extend an invite, which is yours to accept or deny.
4. He offers to drive you to the hospital nearest to the black box theater where his puppet show is being staged
In the case that you only sustained minor injuries when this driver barreled into you with his car, he may bring up Google Maps to ascertain which hospital is closest to the venue where his puppet show takes place and try to sell you on going there for treatment. If he lets you know that that particular treatment center has such good care that you should be “out in plenty of time to pop across the street to will call, hit the ATM for cash to buy concessions, and then go sit back and watch some puppetry,” that is essentially him telling you that he would like to see you in the audience.
5. He keeps telling you how lucky you are that you didn’t hurt your “puppeteering hand”
If the guy who hit you makes repeated references to puppetry as though it’s something you’re already interested in, this is most likely a psychological technique meant to convince you that his puppet show is definitely something you’d want to check out. If he mentions that you’re fortunate your “sock work” won’t be affected by the accident, or that “you’ll be tickling marionette strings in no time,” it’s almost certain that he’s trying to relate to you on a puppeteer-to-puppeteer level, giving you an intimate relationship to his puppet show that almost guarantees you will go to it.
