When your friend is in need, don’t make things worse.

1. “I’m at a loss for words now, but you should have seen me at my last funeral. I was perfect.”

2. “Did you tip the hearse guy?”

3. “She’s in a different place now.”

4. “Can I play my big honking horn at the funeral?”

5. “When people die, apparently their brains release a chemical that makes them high as fuck but also causes them extreme pain. It only lasts for a few seconds, but I guess it feels like 40 years.”

6. “Do you know when they plan to reopen the ski lift?”