Mom can get pretty pissed at Dad, sometimes to the point that she throws him out of the house. Thankfully for Dad, he’s pretty resilient. Here are six times Mom kicked Dad out only to have him build a new life for himself where he was absolutely thriving within a matter of hours.
1. The time she threw him out for snoring and he immediately launched a career as a successful EDM producer
Mom can’t stand Dad’s snoring, and one day her frustration got the best of her and she screamed him out of the house. But within literal minutes, Dad had downloaded Ableton, learned to use it, and uploaded some beats to Soundcloud. His songs were so dope that they instantly went viral, attracting the attention of some of the biggest names in EDM, including Deadmau5 and Daft Punk, who paid him big money to play with them at incredible parties all around the world.
2. The time she made him move out after tracking mud into the house and he set out to live the van life with a beautiful young influencer
Mom can’t stand a dirty carpet, so when Dad tracked mud through the living room after mowing the lawn, he and all of his stuff were out onto the front lawn in no time. Not one to cry over spilled milk, Dad immediately brushed himself off and hooked up with a lovely 26-year-old influencer with four million followers on TikTok to live the freewheeling, adventurous life on the road he’d always dreamed of, traveling back roads across the country in her $500,000 custom camper van.
3. The time she kicked him to the curb for stinking up the bathroom mere hours before he moved to Hollywood and sold his first screenplay
When Dad did a real number on the bathroom that Mom insists is “hers,” he was soon out on the street with nothing but the money in his wallet and four gallons of gas in the tank of his 2011 Corolla. But instead of giving up, he headed to Hollywood, signed with an agent, and sold an incredible screenplay that he’d written in his Notes app on his drive there for $500,000.
4. The time she got so upset over his Cindy Crawford screensaver that she said he was no longer welcome in the house and he immediately built an incredible off-grid compound in the mountains
When Mom busted Dad for having “pornography” on his computer (which was actually a screensaver of Cindy Crawford in a bikini from the 1988 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue) she said it was over between them and asked him to leave. Dad grabbed a few basic tools from the garage and traded his truck for a remote and rugged tract of land in the Rocky Mountains, and within a few hours had hand built everything he needed to not only survive, but thrive. The next morning he killed an elk with a handmade bow, setting him up with enough meat to eat well for months.
5. The time she banished him during a fight over a kitchen remodel and he lost 120 pounds and won a bodybuilding contest almost immediately
Any conversation about money between Mom and Dad can lead to an explosive fight, and this time was no different. When Dad told Mom he didn’t think they had the money in their kitchen remodel budget for a Kohler sink, Mom was so furious that she threw him out. While out kicking rocks, Dad spotted a 24-hour gym and decided to try a workout. His anger over being booted out of his own house propelled him to become absolutely shredded and win a bodybuilding competition that happened to be taking place at the gym that night.
6. The time he got thrown out for eating all of the ice cream and he had a new house, wife, and kids within an hour flat
Mom was already having a rough day, but it went from bad to worse when she discovered that Dad had polished off the last of the ice cream, prompting her to kick him out. Just hours later, Dad updated his Facebook profile picture to a picture of him with a new wife and two kids all enjoying a bike ride in front of his new McMansion with the caption, “Love them more each and every day!” Wow, Dad, that didn’t take long at all!
