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6 Tips For Breaking Away From Routine And Living A Totally Spontaneous Life

It’s time to face facts: You’re boring. You need to learn how to break away from the everyday monotony that rules your life—and fast. Well, we have you covered.

1. It’s the same every day—wake up, go to work, go home, go to sleep—so mix it up by evolving into the first-ever human being to not require sleep to sustain life. So easy!

2. Gentlemen, don’t just shave every day—shave all day! Lather your face with shaving cream in the morning and sporadically shave a strip off your face as you go about your daily routine. Why are your coworkers giving you and your shaving cream–covered face a weird look? Because they’re thinking, “Wow, this guy knows how to spice things up!”

3. Most adults have 32 teeth. That means there are millions upon millions of possible orders for brushing your teeth. Make every brushing special by recording the exact order you brushed each tooth so that you never repeat the same sequence. Routine=broken.

4. Showing up for work like clockwork at 9:00 a.m. every day is so vanilla. Add a little zest to your life by showing up at 9:02 a.m. twice a week. Goodbye, Mr. Predictable!

5. We bet you drink coffee and shower every morning. Why not combine the two by showering in scalding hot coffee? Save time, get energized, and, most importantly, avoid the mundane.

6. Tired of eating the same thing for lunch every day? Add a new daily ingredient! Day one could be turkey and Swiss on rye. Day two might be turkey, Swiss, and lettuce on rye. In a couple of weeks, you could be eating turkey, Swiss, lettuce, tomato, onion, chitlins, black pudding, baklava, pad see ew, laundry detergent, the vinyl recording of Pet Sounds, an actual Swiss person, Barney Frank’s glasses, and Saint Vincent and the Grenadines on rye.

Brought to you by Redd’s Apple Ale