We’ve all been there…
1. When you sit between them and their tongues snake through your ears: Every third wheel knows this experience. You’re forced to sit in between your two friends, and the next thing you know, their tongues are extending right through your head to make out on the other side.
2. When they’re constantly trying to set you up with things they see: “What would you think about going on a double date with us and that bucket over there?” “Hey, why don’t you go buy a drink for that bag of lawn trimmings?” Whether it’s a mailbox, a fire hydrant, or a plastic tub of dirty dishes, the two of them are always trying to force you into relationships with various objects in their line of sight, and it gets really old really fast.
3. Having to register as a third wheel in your state and go door-to-door telling your neighbors that you’re a third wheel: So. Embarrassing.
4. When, instead of using your name, they just call you “Love’s Witness”: Sometimes you suspect they don’t even remember your real name anymore.
5. Always being the top of the human pyramid: Yes, you’d rather be a bottom corner, but that’s only for people in long-term relationships.
6. Always being the one who gets dragged behind the bobsled by a rope: Sleds seat two, and just like virtually every other situation in life, it sucks being the odd one out.
7. Noticing that your friends always add the suicide helpline number at the end of every text they send you: There’s nothing wrong with being single, okay? No need for the hotline every time!
8. Having to be the table: Ugh. Someone’s gotta do it.
