She’s already made her birthing plan, so maybe keep your commentary to yourself.

1. “Don’t you know that you get a 10 percent discount at McDonald’s if you show them your C-section scar?”

2. “I think Pat Sajak was also born that way.”

3. “Oh, nice, would you mind if my bird-watching club observed you enter labor in case a crow comes out?”

4. “When you change your mind, ask for Dr. Mallinckrodt’s Sweet Birth Elixir!”

5. “Can I record your screams and use them in the haunted house I own?”

6. “You should donate your unused epidural to the Boy Scouts of America.”

7. “Aren’t you worried that your kid will be made fun of at school by the C-section kids?”

8. “Oh, sure, I read about natural births in someone’s obituary recently.”